marriage is public

One of the most common and most devastating illusions of modern Americans is the belief that marriage is essentially a private matter. The truth is that marriage has always been inherently and necessarily public.

In fact, marriage is the first public act. It's the most fundamental act of civilization, found in the most rudimentary tribal societies.

Throughout history, mutual affection between spouses was desired but never essential to marriage. Parents and guardians arranged the marriages of their children, usually for economic or political reasons. The primary purpose of marriage was always to join families and ensure their continuation.

Marriage is a social glue. By binding one family to another, it extends consideration and tolerance. Countless times, marriages have subdued hostilities and strengthened alliances between people of different customs and goals. The mere existence of that familial bond is often a source of mercy and sacrifice.

Marriage is the love of action, as opposed to feeling. Love is about togetherness, about sharing life. As the mind and body are dependent on each other, so feelings and actions influence each other. Love was always a part of marriage, but it was about learning to love... not finding oneself "in" love. Love rightfully involves affection, but we have elevated the importance of affection to the point that it is the foundation.

These days, people often look down their noses at old traditions like arranged marriages, believing our civilization has progressed to the point that people can now practice marriage as it was always meant to be. But they're wrong. It's not progress. Modern ideas of marriage have lowered the bar.

We've lowered expectations. We no longer demand that anyone learn to love someone different than himself or herself. Once they're married, we no longer have any expectations of how that marriage should bear fruit. Hell, we don't even demand that they remain married (that they remain family).

We've forgotten that marriage is first about family, not about romance. Marriage is the cornerstone of any society. When our ideas of family are corrupted, the entire culture crumbles with it.